Thursday, October 27, 2005

Questions for Christians, Part Trois

Nothing confirms my feelings about Christianity more than the fact that my basic questions about it go ignored.

In "Questions for Christians, Part Deux", I made an open and honest request for any Christian to explain in secular terms their relationship with Jesus. Not a single taker. I figured maybe someone would at least try it anonymously, where there would be no risk at all, but nooooo.

I love questions that address religion on the most basic level. It’s easy to get a Christian to try to explain such a complex concept as, say, the trinity. But try to get them to explain the very basics, such as a description of what their relationship with Jesus is actually like. I mean, the whole basis of Christianity is that you give yourself to Jesus. Jesus will be your soul mate, your buddy, to be by your side and help you through your difficult journey through life. Yet not one person will explain how this very basis of Christianity actually works. And in the case of Part Deux, I tried to simplify it as much as possible by asking for the simple differences between their relationship with Jesus and a child’s imaginary friend. Seems simple enough. Or is it?

I’ll try it again. This time, rather than a child’s imaginary friend, the scenario will be a demented thug. Bear with me…

Imagine yourself walking along a country road. You are enjoying life, the beautiful scenery, the smell of trees and flowers, and you are minding your own business. Life is good. Then you notice a man has come out from the shadows. He walks up besides you and says hello. You are bit wary, but he looks kind enough, so you say hello back. He puts his arm around your shoulders. You’re very uncomfortable now and you’re not sure quite what to do. You push his arm from your shoulder and tell the man that you would just as soon be by yourself enjoying nature. He looks straight into your eyes, reaches into his coat, and pulls out a handgun. He presses the barrel to your temple and says " As long as you do as I say, I will save you, but if you don’t, I will pull the trigger. It’s your choice."

I’m sure you’ve figured out that this story is my analogy to Christianity. If you are a Christian, I assume you will consider it absurd. Well, that should then make answering a basic question very easy for you then. So tell me, what are the flaws in this analogy?

I’ll be waiting.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Just for Kids...

Okay, people, I’m pissed off about Christianity again today.

For commuting entertainment, if Howard Stern isn’t on the radio, I’ll sometimes jump over to a Christian radio station. From the sublime to the ridiculous. Or is it the ridiculous to the sublime? You decide.

In either case, there’s plenty to choose from here in the Bible Belt.

Anyway, on the drive to work this morning (Saturday, about 8:00 am), no Howard, so I switched the radio to Bank #2. NPR was, sorry, just too dull for someone half-asleep, so I checked out the God Stations. I found this slick, catchy, Christian radio show geared for kids. Kind of like Radio Disney with God. A song was playing which was a weird combination of Brittney/Christina/Hillary type crapola, but with lyrics about what a great friend Jesus is. Lot’s of bass. The song ended, and some sugary DJ came on, all upbeat, perky, and to me terribly condescending, but then I’m 50. (I’m 50! I can kick, stretch, and kick!) He makes a perky enthusiastic reference to I went back to NPR.

Okay, nothing earth shaking here, so what am I pissed about? Go to and click on the link "Kids, here’s something just for you…" and browse through the presentation. Come back and see if you can guess…

Okay, I don’t really expect any responses, at least from Christians, since this is really my own private personal blog/diary thing for some kind of weird personally-imposed therapy, but I’ll act like people really do care about what I say and come here. I’ll wait a day or two, and if I’m still pissed, carry on…